A post about movies. Because what else am I going to talk about.

So the Oscars are done and it got me thinking: what is the point of this awards show? It's the culmination of a 12-month's worth of movies and an awards season that lasts about three months. Are we in it for the glam? Are we in it for the gossip magazine articles? Are we in it for the speculation? The hosts? The skits? In essence, the Oscars should be a time to celebrate filmmaking. Beneath all the money and the fancy clothes and the celebrities, this is a time to appreciate what is a fairly new art form, and one that is growing and developing at an incredibly fast rate. Movies have been around for barely a hundred years, and there are so many talented people around the world making them. Whether they be working as technical artists, production designers, makeup artists, directors, actors or writers, film is a medium that utilizes people of various talents, and the Oscars should be a time to appreciate all of these people that make film possible. Unfortunately, for many, it just becomes a time to talk about fashion, to make bad jokes and to disrespect those who work in film.

So I figured I'd vent a little bit here and talk about what the Oscar awards should be about, in an open letter about how to improve the biggest night in Hollywood. I'm going to call this one: 

How to make next year's Oscars better a.k.a. The kind of list we come up with every year yet the next Oscars is never better:

Possible future hosts (as in, people who would actually be funny without dropping Roman Polanski jokes):

Amy Poehler, Maya Rudolph and Tina Fey (separately or together).

Stephen Colbert. 

Dana Eagle.

Jimmy Fallon. 












Margaret Cho.

Cory Kahaney.

Possible future play-out music THAT WON'T INTERRUPT TECHNICAL WINS AND GIVE THEM AS MUCH TIME AS ACTOR WINS. I mean, seriously, it's not like the actors' speeches are any more interesting:

"Sex With Ducks" by Garfunkel and Oates.

"It's Your Duty To Shake That Booty" by Lena Nystrom.

"Mmmbop" by Hanson.

"Jubilee Street" by Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds.

Possible future show themes:

TRIBUTE TO GIALLO FILMS. The stylization! The gore! The fun!

WOMEN IN FILM. Bringing attention to the Bechdel Test, to Geena Davis' studies, to female protagonists in female centred films, as well as women as filmmakers, including those who have been nominated and won Oscars. They could dedicate a whole Oscar show and some more to women in film. The possibilities are endless, although this will probably never happen because misogyny. To anyone who says that if they do this there should be a "Men in Film" theme because REVERSE DISCRIMINATION, I say SCREW YOU THREE TIMES OVER "MEN IN FILM" IS THE THEME OF EVERY OSCAR AWARDS SEASON. Also, to those who say they can't name any female filmmakers, here are just three of many women who have directed and written Oscar-winning movies in the past decade. 

The HISTORY OF VFX. I can imagine this one being really cool. Visual effects on the Oscar stage! Green screen being utilized! References to Star Wars, 2001: A Space Odyssey, Alien, Close Encounters of the Third Kind! OH THE POSSIBILITIES. Also, it's about time we showed some respect and appreciation for those who do special effects and animation. Movies wouldn't be where they are today without these people.

NUDITY. I mean, they tried this year with the whole "boobies" song. Which was awkward and only really became funny when they showed the reactions of the women they were singing about. AMERICA THOUGH. WHY AREN'T YOU ALL TALKING ABOUT THE REAL NAKED MOVIES OUT THERE???!!! Sometimes I find that Hollywood seems to forget that men can be naked in movies too. If you're only concerned about boobs, then you really need to expand your repertoire on what can and what has been shown on-screen. There is so much good stuff, seriously. It'll be great to have an Oscar show that talks about the NC-17 rating, about the stigma Hollywood has towards sex, about the scandalous nature of pre-code movies, about the spectrum of sexuality and how it is presented on film, about Hollywood's resistance to male nudity, about the Hollywood's objectification of women, about films that tiptoe into porn territory.

DANIEL DAY-LEWIS. a.k.a. THE BEST OSCAR THEMED SHOW EVER.

I am really convinced they should let me direct/write the next Academy Awards. It's just frustrating to watch a show year in and year out that celebrates my favourite movies of the year yet never seems to manage to do it properly. I may not be able to entertain the stupid people like Seth MacFarlane did but I'd be open to teaching them about film. Which is really what the Oscar season should be all about. Less boob jokes, more movies, please.

I will end this post with Quvenzhané Wallis. The future of film, right here.