Now, I think I have previously expressed my feelings about UK boy bands. And if you missed it, here's the truth: I am prone to liking UK boy bands, no matter how terrible I recognize and admit they are. I don't know what it is. It could be due to my romanticized perception of British pop culture, it could be due to the fact that I grew up with British music, it could be their rosy cheeks and innocent demeanour. Whatever it is, UK boy bands have always been well manufactured/produced/maintained. They indulge in the emotional outbursts of young women, they have their own toy dolls, they spawn circus shows, they become sexual icons and cultural identifiers. Some are amazing, some suck so much ass you would think it's the apocalypse. That's what so great about the Brits. They make some of the best music and some of the worst music in the world. And they sell a mind-blowing number of records on both ends of the stick. So despite what you feel about them, you've got to admit that they know exactly what they're doing.
THE LEGENDARY BOYS
The Beatles
The original boy band whose fanbase would have made even Franz Liszt bolt his door. The Beatles established pop music in mainstream culture as we know it today, and you can either love them or resent them for it. The way I see it, they wrote timeless, universal music. They re-invented the melody, and they influenced many music groups and artists in the business today - boy band or otherwise.
U2
Stadium music is defined by U2. Never a band of subtlety, this Irish group are the musical equivalent of an atomic bomb. Big music, big sound. They're like the IMAX equivalent of rock music.
The Smiths
Morrissey was my idol for a long time, back when I was a teenager and identified as asexual and there was nobody out there like me but Morrissey. Their music is 80s-British-boys-in-school-uniforms good. Youth revolt - any way you want it, you can rock out to it with the Smiths.
TODAY'S BOYS' BOYS
Noah and the Whale
They sing mostly about girls and life and love. But then again, isn't that really why we write music in the first place? I love this band for the simple fact that their down-to-earth, rustic tones remind me of nature and everything that I love about it. They were also named after The Squid and The Whale, one of the best indie movies ever made, in my honest opinion. For the longest time, I was convinced I would marry Tom Hobden and his violin.
The Arctic Monkeys
These post-punk motherfuckers. They're the epitomy of the British rock revival, bringing back the revolution from the 1960s into today's starved generation.
Coldplay
Love them or hat them, you gotta admit, they know how to draw a crowd. Coldplay got me through my confused as hell college years, and for that, I will always be thankful for them. Chris Martin's voice was like a memory from a distance, calling me back to whatever it was that would fix me (no pun intended). Their music is familiar, as if I've heard it before in a past life. It makes them magical, in a way.
THE NOSTALGIC BOYS
Blue
Remember when British pop tried to be cool? Yeah, me neither.
Westlife
Anyone remember these fuckers? One of the best-selling bands to come out of the UK. Great vocals, though as safe as child-proof pill bottle caps. They sang songs that could have been about girls or God. To this day, I still have not been able to figure it out.
Take That
The original, one and only, British boy band. Nothing will ever top them in cheesiness, boyish good looks and metrosexual style that defines European culture as Americans understand it.
THE BOY REVIVAL
McFly
They were the shit circa early 2000s. I admit to still having a soft spot for them. Especially for Dougie Poynter. Holy shit, that kid was (and still is) cute.
The Wanted
To be honest, I really don't like these guys. As people, they've said some dumbass shit that you would expect from stereotypical men, which doesn't make them all that alluring. They're an interesting bunch though, conveying this faux man-up style and posture while at the same time singing juvenile, simple pop songs that are hella catchy.
One Direction
Leading the boy band revolution of the 2nd decade of the 2000s, these five kids are causing parents the world over to lock up their daughters (and in some cases, their sons). For the young 1990s/2000s generation, they are made of dreams. For the older 1970s/1980s generation, they are an echo of nostalgia, taking us back to the days where masculinity in music was catered towards women and the female gaze. That's a whole other social study on its own.
So I guess the moral of the story is go ahead, listen to whatever you feel like listening. Music isn't necessarily meant to be put into objective categories of "good" and "bad," unless you go into the technicalities of it. Even then though, music is a subjective art form that is up to interpretation. Music is whatever you make of it. So listen to The Wanted all you want. It's very rare in this world to enjoy the little things in life. Very few of us do, so every opportunity you get to do so, take it and cherish it, no matter how foolish you feel about it.
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