Hey now, girl on the curb

I told myself I would wait a little longer before writing another pinoesexual-related post, but you can only take so much of the American Republican presidential candidates before you start eating excess junk food you don't even like, weeping into your sofa cushions, and kicking all of your neighbour's garden gnomes, even the cute ones. 


For someone who doesn't even live in the States, I sure spend a lot of time worrying about the stupidity of their politicians.


On the other hand, it has been a good week for pinoesexuals everywhere because MARYLAND GOT MARRIAGE EQUALITY. You know what this means: Pinoesexuals can now look forward to one day legally marrying Megan Rapinoe in Maryland! *


*Please note: The legalization of same-sex marriage in Maryland does not guarantee a marriage to Megan Rapinoe. Unless your name is Sarah Walsh. Sorry for any disappointment the above statement may have caused.*


Anyway, congratulations, Maryland, you are becoming more like Canada. And that is something to be mighty proud of!!

However, the law doesn't go into effect until January 13th, giving opponents (mostly consisting of Maryland churches) a hell of a lot of time to organize a referendum to overturn this come November.


So Maryland, don't fail us. I know that a lot of religious groups will have the age-old excuse of their right to "RELIGIOUS FREEDOM" as a reason for why same-sex marriage shouldn't be legalized. Michele Bachmann likes to use this line in every interview and speech she gives, as if LOGICALLY, this issue is going to threaten anyone who identifies as Christian. Religious freedom has nothing to do with people wanting to get married though. Religious freedom is the liberty to go to church whenever you want, pray whenever you want, and practice your religion however way YOU WANT, something that many people in many countries still cannot do without being arrested or sentenced to death. I don't understand how somebody else's marriage is going to affect the way you go to church. 


But that's just me. I like girls and I like God. Why I can't have both is completely preposterous to me.


Kirk Cameron went on live television this week to call it unnatural, detrimental and destructive to civilization. Because yes, gay people will one day kill all the straight people with their unnaturalness. The straight person's religion is being threatened, and this is the reason we shouldn't have it. It will destroy the foundations that God has set down for us, foundations based on faith, love and respect. Foundations for us to be good and self-sacrificing individuals. Marriage equality will turn the church on its head and we will have spat on everything God meant for us to be. Religious freedom is at stake, people, we must exercise God's will by ostracizing others who just want to be loved and respected.


Irony never smelled so good.


But take heart, American pinoesexuals, one day your country will get equality across all 50 states and you will no longer have to come up to Canada to get married. Although, we would totally welcome and embrace you with beer and bits of Tim.

One day, all of us will realize that God loves everyone the same, and that it is actually what we're doing to his people that is unnatural, detrimental and ultimately destructive to them. 


In the meantime, best of luck, Maryland. Let's pray for freedom for everyone.


And for you pinoesexuals, here's a video of Megan Rapinoe playing guitar on a curb to inspire you and keep you optimistic.

In which Toby is Legendary.

She should get those things insured now that Rapinoe's touched them.
I'm sure even J.Lo's ass wishes they were Toby's tits.

In my time on this Earth (which is not very long compared to the lifespan of the yareta but very long compared to the lifespan of the fruit fly), I have seen my share of what is commonly known as very blatant displays of pinoesexuality. 


Pinoesexuality is defined thus:

PEOPLE WHO ARE ATTRACTED TO MEGAN RAPINOE

(OMG WHO WOULD HAVE GUESSED)

It's a newly discovered sexuality, one that existed since the day Rapinoe first kicked a soccer ball but that had yet to be identified until USWNT lost the FIFA World Cup in Germany and everyone flipped their shit - then all subsequently came out in droves because despite the loss, #15 midfielder still remained adorable. Thus the new sexual orientation came into being.

Not a lot of people know about pinoesexuality and many psychologists have yet to study it in depth. So if I were you, I would not throw that word around, even if you do identify as such. Some people are still very close-minded and ignorant and probably pinoephobic. 

As in, all those people who will vote for Rick Santorum? They will likely not approve of the fact that you are a proud pinoesexual. Also, all the members of Westboro Baptist Church? It may not be ideal to go up to one of them and talk about your pinoesexual tendencies. The last thing we need is Westboro wankers picketing soccer games with signs saying "God Hates Celebratory Leaps" and "Pray For More USA Losses To Japan."

I shudder at the mere thought of it.

One day though (as in, when USWNT wins Olympic gold in London), awareness of pinoesexuality will finally reach mainstream society, and people will not only be more accepting of you but they may also come out as pinoesexuals too. And everything will be bunnies and rainbows and we will all dance in fields with pink flowers in our hair.

I'd like to start that revolution now and be the first self-declared pinoesexual activist. I will raise awareness by starting a series on this blog called "The Absurd & Inappropriate Things Queer Women Say & Do For Megan Rapinoe" a.k.a. "The Woes of Being Pinoesexual."

I chose dear Toby to be my first case, as she perfectly embodies these woes. Toby, your brazen honesty makes you an inspiration to us all. I can only hope that one day, all of us will be able to go up to Megan Rapinoe, get her to handle sign our chests, and live to tell the tale as you have.

Thus concludes the first Pinoesexual Pride blog post. Have a good night everyone.