In which Toby is Legendary.

She should get those things insured now that Rapinoe's touched them.
I'm sure even J.Lo's ass wishes they were Toby's tits.

In my time on this Earth (which is not very long compared to the lifespan of the yareta but very long compared to the lifespan of the fruit fly), I have seen my share of what is commonly known as very blatant displays of pinoesexuality. 


Pinoesexuality is defined thus:

PEOPLE WHO ARE ATTRACTED TO MEGAN RAPINOE

(OMG WHO WOULD HAVE GUESSED)

It's a newly discovered sexuality, one that existed since the day Rapinoe first kicked a soccer ball but that had yet to be identified until USWNT lost the FIFA World Cup in Germany and everyone flipped their shit - then all subsequently came out in droves because despite the loss, #15 midfielder still remained adorable. Thus the new sexual orientation came into being.

Not a lot of people know about pinoesexuality and many psychologists have yet to study it in depth. So if I were you, I would not throw that word around, even if you do identify as such. Some people are still very close-minded and ignorant and probably pinoephobic. 

As in, all those people who will vote for Rick Santorum? They will likely not approve of the fact that you are a proud pinoesexual. Also, all the members of Westboro Baptist Church? It may not be ideal to go up to one of them and talk about your pinoesexual tendencies. The last thing we need is Westboro wankers picketing soccer games with signs saying "God Hates Celebratory Leaps" and "Pray For More USA Losses To Japan."

I shudder at the mere thought of it.

One day though (as in, when USWNT wins Olympic gold in London), awareness of pinoesexuality will finally reach mainstream society, and people will not only be more accepting of you but they may also come out as pinoesexuals too. And everything will be bunnies and rainbows and we will all dance in fields with pink flowers in our hair.

I'd like to start that revolution now and be the first self-declared pinoesexual activist. I will raise awareness by starting a series on this blog called "The Absurd & Inappropriate Things Queer Women Say & Do For Megan Rapinoe" a.k.a. "The Woes of Being Pinoesexual."

I chose dear Toby to be my first case, as she perfectly embodies these woes. Toby, your brazen honesty makes you an inspiration to us all. I can only hope that one day, all of us will be able to go up to Megan Rapinoe, get her to handle sign our chests, and live to tell the tale as you have.

Thus concludes the first Pinoesexual Pride blog post. Have a good night everyone.