A post about my future wife

Yes, it is finally time for London. I will be writing Olympic themed posts for the duration of the Games.  None of these posts will be using the official 2012 logo. Why?

Because when I first started this blog, I gave myself a number of rules to abide by. And one of those rules was that I would never, ever publish a piece of writing that would require a graphic of Lisa Simpson giving a blowjob in order to prove a point.

And I stand by that rule.

Summer Olympics are overwhelming, I will say that. There are about a million events to keep track of, a billion athletes to root for and waaaayyy too many Lisa Simpson blowjob logos to look at.

Highlight of the Olympics so far?

I gotta say, it's not Voldemort's appearance at the opening ceremonies, nor Ryan Lochte's gold medal, nor the Queen Elizabeth's face.

No, the highlight of the Olympics so far is Sophie Schmidt's wipeout at the Canada v.s. Japan game of Round 1, Group F.

Here it is at another angle:

And here is a gif of it:

Remember what I said before?

About how this girl seems to have absolutely no understanding of arms and how they function?

Sophie Schmidt is a true footballer. She does not require arms. She just takes the fall.

Actually, maybe I'm giving her too much credit. She just seems to be really slow. Like, once gravity gets the best of her, she doesn't actually realize she's wiping out until she's already facepalmed the entire surface area.

The CTV commentators had to save this moment by immediately talking about how great a player she is and how she's the star of the Canadian women's soccer team and how crucial she is to the game. All the while, CTV was replaying her fall. This is what I love about Canadian television. They've got a good sense of humour.

I still love her though. Her clumsiness is part of her charm. When she's got a soccer ball between her feet, she controls the game. The CTV commentators may have been making fun of her, but they were not lying.

Now, without further ado, here are a bunch of other Sophie fails for your entertainment:

And best of all, 

                           


I could watch this girl fall over and over again and laugh like a total asshole and still not feel like a total asshole. She's just so damn cute it's like watching a puppy sneeze uncontrollably. Laughing at the expense of someone else's cuteness does not make one an asshole. And that is the moral of the story.


Anyway, happy Olympic viewing everybody. Sleep tight and prep your eyes well for two weeks of full-on television viewing. 


Queen E wishes you a good night.