Let's be literate

Hello, morons.

Today's word of the day is:


GRANOLA (n., adj. - not the breakfast food): a hippie or a person who lives an organic or environmentally conscious lifestyle, characterized by practices such as growing their own food, making their own clothes, creating their own art, raising their own animals, doing their own drugs, etc.

Example:


ME (after waking up for school): I want to go back to sleep.
MOM: Well, it's Monday morning.
ME: So?
MOM: Get the fuck to school.
ME: Ok, ok, let me just make my granola. WHERE'S THE FUCKING MILK??


Shit, that's wrong.


Ok, another example:


ME: Man, I'm starved.
STRANGER: I have a bit of my lunch left. Would you like some?
ME: No, don't worry about it. I'll pick something up on the way home.
STRANGER: Here, I've got a granola bar. Go ahead, take it.
ME: Gee, mister, thanks!!!

Shit, I have to practice this particular one a little more. Either that, or I'm just really hungry. Anyway, you get the idea. 

You can thank my friends for this word of the day. They used this word to describe the faculty associate of one of the modules in our department, and how they simply could not stand the idea of being in her module because she is such a 'granola.' I honestly do not know how someone being a granola could affect the way they teach you, but whatever.


I tried to act disinterested and nonchalant, because to tell the truth, I have the biggest crush on her (none of my said friends know this). I don't normally find teachers or professors attractive, but when I first saw her, holy shit, I dropped my books and in my head ran the words THAT IS NOT A FUCKING TEACHER, THAT IS NOT A FUCKING TEACHER, THAT IS NOT A FUCKING TEACHER.


I was really tempted to switch modules and join all the other granolas, even though I myself am not a granola. I didn't care - I would shear sheep, raise chickens, eat raw snowpeas, drink hemp milk and become an anarchist for her. 


Unfortunately, it would take more than the desire to shear sheep to get into her module. It would take making the application deadline on time, and seeing as semester had already started, I was about 4 months late. Also, she is a professor in her late forties/early fifties, so even if I did get into her module, it wouldn't change the fact that I am a student 30 years younger than she is.


It probably wasn't meant to be, oh well.


I know this is going to sound cheesy, but sometimes, she walks into our classroom and it's the highlight of my day.

Vocabulary is for losers.

It's that time again! Welcome to another round of "Word Of The Day That Is Not In The English Dictionary...Yet".

My dream library. Yes, it comes with a ladder for the higher shelves.

Today's word of the day is:


LORD BYRON: a nickname instigated by yours truly to identify Byron Bitz, right winger for the Vancouver Canucks with ginger powers, aggressive puck play and an official in on the Sedin twins. He hails from Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, considered to be the most cultural city in Canada (I am not joking. It really is). One of the key strategies he brings to the game is to distract opposing hockey players by kissing them. With his fists.


Here is a picture to help you visualize this new word!

Bitz is the one who is not the Avalanche player.

Now to use this new word in a couple of examples:


Example #1


CANUCKS FAN: I love Lord Byron. Nothing you can ever say can ever make me not like him.
ME: You know he used to play for the Bruins, right?
CANUCKS FAN: OK, you win.


Example #2


ENGLISH GEEK: Lord Byron is pure poetry.
CANUCKS FAN: .....on ice.
ENGLISH GEEK: I meant the real Lord Byron.
CANUCKS FAN: I did too.


For all your hard work today, here are 4 pictures of Paula Zago. You're welcome.

My Friend, The Dictionary

Welcome to the first edition of what I like to call "Word Of The Day That Is Not In The English Dictionary...Yet".

Get ready to get educated, beotch.

Okay, so the word of the day is:


SHITCAKES (pl.): an expletive used to express a strong reaction (positive or negative) to something that is so fucking amazing you need more than just the single word "Shit" to describe it.


*Disclaimer: "Shitcakes" is always plural, never singular. As in, no one says "Shitcake!" because that would literally mean cake. Made of shit.


Now, let's use this new word in a couple examples.


A negative situation.


Zdeno Chara injures yet another Canuck with his big feet.
ME: Somebody needs to beat the shitcakes out of Zdeno Chara. That person should be me.


A positive situation.


I beat up Zdeno Chara.
ONLOOKERS: Shitcakes....how is that even possible?


Happy learning everyone!! :D