Shit meme

OK, so you guys know the current "Shit....Says" meme phenomenon seeping through youtube culture right now. Don't know what I'm talking about? Here are a couple examples:

And my personal favourite:

Anyway, I hung out with some real idiots yesterday and they inspired me to do my own version.

So here it is.

SHIT STRAIGHT GUYS SAY 

(WHEN THEY ARE DRUNK)

"I've got big guns, check them out."

"Mine are bigger than his."

"SHOTS!!!"

"Ew, baseball."

"Ew, the Maple Leafs."

"Ew, bourbon."

"SHOTS!!!"

"Engaged women at their bachelorette parties are bulls-eye targets for easy sex."

"Natalie Portman is a beautiful woman."

"SHOTS!!!"

"Guys are physically stronger than girls."

"Really, guys are physically stronger than girls."

"I won't argue feminist issues with girls."

"SHOTS!!!"

"If she's willing, then technically it's not my fault."

"If I push her, and she's willing, then it's technically not my fault."

"If she wants it, I can't exactly say no."

"SHOTS!!!"

"Would you rather date a guy who covers up his baldness or a guy who shaves his head and owns his baldness?"

"I'm totally going to be bald in the next seven to ten years."

"SHOTS!!!"

"As long as she takes a shower after fucking him, I am totally ok with fucking my best friend's girlfriend."

"And that is so not homoerotic."

"You just...weed out the yard before you sow your seed, you know?"

"SHOTS!!!"

"The way the media portray Luongo...it's a whole load of fuckery."

"Jonathan Toews? God, Jonathan Toews. I would make sweet love to that man."

"SHOTS!!!"

Now, don't get me wrong. I like straight guys, I really do. They're cute and funny and they're a real ego booster because their stupid antics make me feel a lot more evolved and a lot more intellectual than I actually am. In case you were wondering, I am not exaggerating any of the quotes above. The people I hang out with actually talk like this. And their drunk talk is pretty much their normal talk because we seem to be drunk together all the time. Sometimes, I facepalm so much in their presence that I just look like I'm passed out on the table. 

My goal for this month is to drink less. The moment that thought appeared in my head though, this other part of my brain was all "MOTHERFUCKIN' BOLLOCKS."

Thanks, brain. Thanks for the support.

If you find a poutine you like....

.....you put a ring on it.

Hannah Hart wants to get you drunk.

This is a post about the most talented chef of all time.


Since the spring of 2011, food icon Hannah Hart has shared her masterful culinary creations on her web series, My Drunk Kitchen. Some of her meals have included grilled cheese (without the cheese), ice cream in ziploc bags, poutine, tacos with turkey meat, vegan cheesecake, trail mix pancakes and questionable meat pie (again with turkey).


What makes Hart much more skillful than the average iron chef is the fact that she prepares meals while intoxicated.


Not many chefs do that. 


Watching her videos is an experience akin to seeing your first 3-D movie. They normally start with her cracking open (okay, not literally cracking, but you know what I mean) her alcohol of choice for the day and end with her wasted as fuck. What happens in between is absolute genius, because not only does she cook something that looks exactly like the shit you eat, but you as an Internet viewer get to see her slow descent into drunkenness. And it's awesome because Hannah is the greatest drunk in the world.


The things she does once she's had too many include:

-taking off her glasses

-talking with a lisp

-perpetually winking

-falling down

-failing to open cheese packages

-forgetting about the cheese

-eating an onion

-opening things with her mouth

Every time I watch her, I thank God that someone as ridiculously cute as her has the audacity to get drunk on camera at least once a month.

Cooking shows on the Food Channel simply pale by comparison. Sorry, Bobby Flay. Your grilled moose meat or whatever it is you make will never be as appetizing as the thought of ice cream in a ziploc bag.