Actually, this is more of a letter than an ode. Odes are supposed to be somewhat written in praise of its subject. I don't really feel like praising anybody at the moment, so I'll just call this a letter.
Ahem.
Dear Canuck haters,
I understand your hatred for us. Trust me, as a Canuck fan, sometimes I hate myself too. Canuck fans are crazy, they are ruthless, they are obsessive, they are unsympathetic, they are proud. The riots that happened last year may not have helped our image. I understand that it is easy to point the finger at us, and call us people of skewed priorities. Yet it's easy to forget that human nature is human nature, and that riots happen everywhere, in every sport. Don't hold us to higher regard. It was shameful what happened and it's true, we're no better than the rest of you.
I understand your hatred for our team. Some of our guys can be real dicks and divers and drama queens. They act tough, they intimidate, they trash talk. They're doing exactly what every other athlete on the ice is doing. Whoever said hockey was a kind sport? And if you expect it to be, and you're surprised that our guys are douchebags, then frankly my dear, you haven't watched enough hockey. We're also a team consisting of some of the best players in the NHL, maybe some of the best players who've ever played. I understand that it can be a little much. It's hard to like guys who are not only dicks, but talented dicks. If that doesn't steal your thunder, then you would be a robot. So embrace that anger, embrace that competitiveness, it's what makes you human.
So Canuck haters, what I want to say is that even though I do not agree with all of your views, I do understand where you're coming from. Why? Because I am one of you. I'm not a Canuck hater, but I'm a hater in other regards. For example, I'll forever resent the Chicago Blackhawks for ruining the Fratellis' "Chelsea Dagger" for me.
What I don't understand about Canuck-hating culture, however, is this:
There are several things wrong with this.
First of all, winning or not winning the Stanley Cup does not in any way diminish the kind of talent that the Sedin twins possess. They are still two of the best players the NHL has ever seen, something that is evident when you look at their stats as well as when you see them play. Therefore, wearing a shirt like this makes you seem like an overly emotional hockey fan who does not actually know anything about hockey. You're so keen on putting them down because they don't play for your team that you don't realize that their level of play and sportsmanship is actually worthy of a lot of respect.
Second of all, 2 Girls 1 Cup is the kind of viral video that 12 year olds and Stewie and Brian are watching. Nowhere in there is there a witty, clever joke.
Third of all - and this can't be ignored - this T-shirt is incredibly sexist. Why, you may ask? Its use of the feminine, in the words "sisters" and "girls", to indicate weakness and failure. We live in a society surrounded by a culture that views femininity as the furthest thing from what anyone would want to strive for. The reasoning being the popular belief that girls are incapable, that girls will never live up to boys, that girls are passive, that girls are weak, that girls are sexual objects, that girls are not valued. If you don't believe me, then think a little harder to elementary school.
"You throw like a girl."
"You're a sissy."
"You're a pussy."
"Don't cry."
"You're just like a girl."
"Don't be a girl."
"Be a real man."
It's normal for us to hear things like this, which is why so many people wouldn't even notice that something like this T-shirt is sexist. Hell, we live in a world that is sexist and misogynist. Who is to blame us for thinking that these things are ok? We were raised to believe that these things are ok. It would feel natural to just look at a T-shirt like this one and think, "Oh, it's just making fun of the Sedins." But this is a bigger issue. I don't like to be dubbed the person with no sense of humour, but seriously, SERIOUSLY. To be born the gender that society deems of lower class and weaker state was bound to make me a little pissed off at the situation that we as human beings are in. Our language is sexist in that insults directed towards men are often in relation to how close they come to being like 'women.' To be a woman is the ultimate insult, because our society turned femininity into something negative and undesirable. It's fine when girls are masculine, because it means they're tough, they're cool, they can take it. But for a guy to be feminine? It's something to be discouraged, because a feminine guy is all of the above: a sissy, a pussy or, God forbid, a homosexual. All negative in our eyes.
I think it's about time we turned our language around, so that being a girl isn't an insult, so that being a girl is something that is desired, something that we can be proud of. At the same time, being feminine shouldn't take away from a man's masculinity, as the T-shirt is trying to imply. Real men are real men, period. I'm not going to fucking measure their testosterone v.s. estrogen levels, or rate their level of 'masculinity' on their grunting capabilities or their collection of romantic comedies on DVD. I'm not going to call hockey players women just because they don't have a Stanley Cup. For one thing, being a woman and winning a Stanley Cup don't really have any correlation. Unfortunately, women don't play in the NHL, so at the moment, it is technically impossible for a biologically born female to win a Stanley Cup. It is not a question of strength and talent that a woman lacks, it is simply the fact that the NHL is currently a man-only zone. So really, the insult on the T-shirt doesn't actually work as an insult at all.
So the next time someone wears that shirt, tell them "Yes, if they were sisters and girls, they would not win a Stanley Cup. Are you discreetly hinting at the injustice in the gender restricted National Hockey League? What if the Sedins had been born girls? Their talents would have never been known as well as they are now. If they were girls, they would have never made it to the NHL. What does that say about how we judge athletic ability in boys and girls? What does that say about the amount of opportunities we offer boys and girls at the professional level?"
And watch the T-shirt wearer give you a confused look, that you later respond to by congratulating them on their enlightened feminist perspectives. If they still look confused, ask them to take off the shirt because clearly, they didn't intend to say that at all when they decided to put that thing on.
Being feminine and being a girl is not shameful. Being a feminine man or a man who acknowledges his feminine side does not make the man any less a man. You are who you are, and our sexist, binary language shouldn't try to stop us from being so.
So Canuck haters, I welcome your hate. Just don't be sexist about it. I know that sports is full of misogyny, but I think it's about time we grew up and grew out of that. Also, from what I've seen, it's been American hockey fans wearing this T-shirt. I wonder how many of them know about their national women's hockey team, one of the most impressive hockey teams in the world with some of the hardest, fastest, toughest players I've ever seen on the ice. I don't know what it is about female hockey players, but I find them more terrifying than male hockey players. This has nothing to do with gender, and I'm not suggesting that female hockey players are tougher than male hockey players. I think it has more to do with the style of play itself. In women's hockey, there is no body checking. For some reason, this makes the game that much more risky. So, when the women are angry, you know they're genuinely angry. And when they hit someone or body check someone, they're doing it with the knowledge that they will be penalized, and the fact that they're doing it anyway makes them ultimately dangerous. They're in a zone of reckless play that is somehow more genuine than the male equivalent of the sport, where body checking and hits happen constantly without any kind of emotional front.
Anyway, the point I wanted to make as a conclusion to this piece is that the USA national women's hockey team has its own set of twins:
22-year old Jocelyne Lamoureux and Monique Lamoureux-Kolls, often cited as the Sedin twins of women's hockey. They complement each other, their playing styles are near identical and when they are on, they're pretty unstoppable.
I look back at the T-shirt and I really think it could act as a protest shirt. Just replace Sedin with Lamoureux. Why is it that the Lamoureux sisters won't ever win the Stanley Cup or something equal to it, something that is just as valued? Can we turn that around? There's a question to ponder on.
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