LET'S TALK ABOUT SEX. And by sex, I really mean this band:
Unless you've been living under a rock of musical abstinence, you will know that Mother Mother released their fourth record yesterday. I travelled across cities to get it. OK, not exactly. Here's how it all went down. I went from Surrey to Burnaby on the skytrain. I got off at Metrotown and ran down the stairs of the station, pushing everyone that was in my way and barging into the HMV like I owned the place (which I technically do, I go there so often that I swear my footsteps have imprinted/fossilized themselves on the store floor). I grabbed a copy of the record, marched to the register like a motherfucking North Shore sasquatch, and slapped my credit card on the counter confidently like I had the money to buy it (even though I really don't). Then I went home and listened to it and I don't think I've really stopped since then. Everything about this band and their music is just sexy as hell. I'm not joking, I swear these guys are like human aphrodisiacs. Like lobster only not eaten with butter. I don't know if it's just the way they present themselves, or the way Ryan Guldemond writes those fucking lyrics or the way they play those instruments, crashing through every song like it's this orgasmic sound fuck party, but whatever it is, they exude it very naturally and effortlessly both on and off stage. Like one time, their drummer Ali smiled at me at the Vancouver 125 party and I swear, FIFTY SHADES OF FUCKING GREY happened to me.
Anyway, long story short, put down your Twilight fanfiction and go grab Mother Mother's The Sticks. I promise you, IT WILL TEACH YOU THINGS. It will teach you things that bad BDSM smut cannot. Also, their Canadian tour to promote The Sticks ends with a Vancouver show on December 19th at the Orpheum Theatre. So all you people who want to see the best band from Vancouver in the best venue in Vancouver, here's your chance.
This is a post about my hometown and the people that I live around.
Here's my list of Shit Vancouverites Say, brought to you by real life comments I've heard from the locals I spend all my time with. This post is dedicated to them.
So, without further ado, here is some authentic Vancouver dialogue.
1. The Vancouver Canucks will win the Stanley Cup this season. NO REALLY THEY WILL. 2. I'm not saying I hate Americans, but... 3. I'm driving across the border for cheese, gas, booze and junk food. Anyone want to join me? 4. Nickelback? No, they don't go here. 5. IT'S TOO COLD OUTSIDE. 6. IT'S TOO HOT OUTSIDE. 7. I HATE THE RAIN. 8. WE HAVEN'T HAD RAIN IN TWO WEEKS. THE WHOLE CITY'S GONE TO SHIT. 9. Just because it smells like weed....doesn't mean it smells like weed. 10. Terminally single? Yes, let's be lonely together. 11. I got hit by a bus today when I forgot that Granville Street is still a street. 12. I'm considering moving to Alberta. Downside is, I'd have to actually live in Alberta. 13. If I could do any Canuck player, past or present, it would be Trevor Linden. Yeah. Definitely. 14. FREE RIDE ON THE 99 B-LINE YEEEEAAAHHHH. 15. Saw a Hollywood celebrity on the street the other day. NO1CURR. 16. Saw Garry Valk on the street the other day. FLIPPED MY SHIT. 17. Steal my bike? I beat your ass. 18. ~Watches an American movie filmed in Vancouver but masked as Seattle~ HAHAHAHA SEATTLE ONLY LOOKS GOOD WHEN IT'S VANCOUVER HAHAHAHAHA ROFL ROFL LOL ROFL. 19. Yes, that is a Z 95.3 sticker on my car. Yes, I have five of them. 20. I'm not a hipster. I'm just from Vancouver. And no, they are not synonymous.
To go along with the post below, song number 6 is my local girl Carly Rae Jepsen's "Bucket," from her debut album Tug of War.
She's like summer fun bubble gum sunflower seeds frozen yogurt cotton candy gummy bears all wrapped up in one person.
Also, Vancouver looks amazing in this video. As do the Vancouver hipsters. And by Vancouver hipsters I mean everyone who lives in Vancouver. We dress terribly, I know. Our scenery makes up for it.
I don't know how we're gonna build a castle now. Do you want to start again somehow?
Due to my school and work schedule, I was not able to attend all of the concerts, but I did manage to catch Carly Rae Jepsen and Marianas Trench on Friday, as well as OneRepublic on Saturday. Lots of kids and parents and teenagers and people like me who don't really ever want to grow up.
In case anyone reading does not know, Playland is Vancouver's biggest amusement park and the oldest in all of Canada. Located in northeast Vancouver, it is open from April until October and during the month of August, hosts a fair with the Pacific National Exhibition. During this fair, the number of rides at the park doubles and there are additional shows and exhibits for visitors to enjoy.
SPF is an outdoor music festival which takes place at the PNE Amphitheatre, located in the north side part of the park, surrounded by bleacher seating that faces the North Shore mountains. The view is absolutely breath-taking and the music was equally beautiful and fitting.
Carly Rae Jepsen performed songs from her album Tug of War as well as her EP Curiosity. She exudes a cuteness that few popular musicians out there have, and her voice is quite impressive live. After releasing one of the most popular songs of 2012, it was a bit strange to see her here at home, basically talking to the audience as if she were in her own living room. Jepsen was accompanied by a group of dancers in the crowd, who seemed to have a choreographed dance to every one of her songs.
Marianas Trench were perhaps the biggest headliner of the weekend, performing to a full crowd that had acted as if they hadn't seen these guys in years. There's definitely something special about performing to your city, and this was something Josh Ramsey constantly reiterated throughout his band's set. Perhaps one of the greatest moments was when Ramsey himself hopped off stage onto the floor. I could feel this collective gasp amongst the crowd, a quarter second of silence and then a rush of people running towards him. Fans were fleeing the bleachers, racing towards the singer as he ran (with bodyguards beside him) through the crowd, all the while singing the lyrics to the band's latest single "Desperate Measures." At one point, he ended up in the bleachers before rushing back to the stage and declaring that he felt as if he "had just gotten to second base with my hometown." I know how that feels, dude. I know how that feels. (no I don't)
OneRepublic serenaded the crowd with cool instrumental ambiance that was pretty perfect for the warm, comforting summer weather that seeped through Vancouver this weekend. Ryan Tedder kept throwing in French words to charm us. It kind of worked. Performing everything from their hit singles to covers of "Stand By Me, "SexyBack" and "Seven Nation Army", these guys squeezed as much variety as they could into an hour long show. I'm not an avid admirer of this band, but I really love it when musicians perform like it's the first show they've ever done and the last show they'll ever do. These guys really enjoy what they're doing, and their energy was very infectious. I was highly impressed with their performance. In addition, they have a cellist, and any band with string instruments gets bonus points in my book.
There is definitely nothing like a summer music concert in the great outdoors of Vancouver. It was nostalgic and fun and heart-pounding and cringe-worthy all at once.
I must say, there's nothing like hearing thousands of kids singing the lyrics "They slap you like a bitch and you take it like a whore" simultaneously in their squeaky little youthful voices.
This hockey franchise just got their cake and ate it too.
The Minnesota Wild just signed free agents Zach Parise and Ryan Suter to a 98 million, 13 year contract.
That's practically a marriage. The Wild are pumped, the Red Wings are pissed and Penguins fans are going WHHHYYYY NOT USSSSS.
I have a feeling the Minnesota Wild are going to crush every team in the Western Conference next year. This is going to be just GREAT.
With regards to the Canucks, we've lost the following players:
Mike Duco
Marc-Andre Gragnani
Victor Oreskovitch (Oreo)
Sami Pahlsson
Ryan Parent
Aaron Rome
Sami Salo
If it feels like we've lost half our team, we kind of have. Let's have a moment of silence for all these wonderful players. For having donned a Canuck jersey, we'll always have a soft spot for these guys, and wish them all the best.
And welcome White Rock native Jason Garrison, of the Florida Panthers. He took $1 million less to come home, which just tugs at your Canadian heartstrings like nothing other. Vancouver's gonna love him so much for the next six years he's not going to know how to deal with it. Not only is he a hometown kid, but his stats are amazing. I have a feeling no one's gonna love him more than David Booth though.
Summer is officially here. Vancouver is officially muggy.
What to do now? Still waiting for the weather to improve? Still waiting for that one pay check that could afford you the first flight to Honolulu? Why be bored while you wait? You live in one of the most popular tourist destinations in the world. Let's explore it!
Here's my list of things to do in Vancouver over the summer.
ATTRACTIONS
Coo over some baby animals at the Vancouver Aquarium.
Visit the Da Vinci exhibit at Science World (running from April 28th to September 3rd).
Have a donut, ride some roller coasters and watch an animal show or two at the Pacific National Exhibition and Playland.
SPORTS (for when hockey is not around)
Cheer on the Vancouver Whitecaps FC at BC Place (matches from March 10th until October 27th).
Check out the Vancouver Whitecaps FC Women (matches from May 13th until July 15th).
Enjoy a ball game with the Vancouver Canadians on Scotiabank Field at Nat Bailey Stadium (games from June 21st until August 26th).
FOOD
Have a gelato at Bella Gelateria on West Cordova.
Buy goodies and eat goodies at the Richmond Night Market (from May 8th to October 8th).
Pick up some seafood at the fishing boats along Steveston Fishing Village.
Share a poutine or war at Belgian Fries on Commercial Drive.
Visit the food carts Downtown.
OUTDOOR/NATURE
Brave the Grouse Grind.
Go on a forest adventure at the Capilano Suspension Bridge (Cliffwalk pictured).
Take a stroll around Burns Bog.
Walk along the grey sands of White Rock Beach.
Get sunburnt at the Vancouver Pride Parade and Dyke March (August 5th).
MUSIC
Buy tickets to Summer Playland Festival 2012 (July 6th until 8th).
Camp out like a hipster up in Squamish for the Live At Squamish musical festival (August 24th until 26th).
Take a date to the Vancouver International Jazz Festival (running June 22nd until July 1st).
Be cultural at the Vancouver Francophone Summer Festival (from June 14th until 24th).
Hang out at Jericho Beach for the Vancouver Folk Music Festival (July 13th until 15th).
THEATRE/MOVIES
Watch some fucking musical theatre (hell yes) at the Granville Island Stage and the Stanley Industrial Alliance Stage.
See a Shakespeare play at Bard on the Beach (performances from May 31st until September 22nd).
See the Broadway production of Mary Poppins at the Queen Elizabeth Theatre (performances from July 17th to 22nd).
Watch movies galore from all over the world at the Vancouver Queer Film Festival (showtimes from August 16th to 26th).
This is a review of Hey Ocean!'s upcoming album, IS.
I don't normally write music reviews, but sometimes, I come across music from a band that is so underrated, yet so good, that I can't help but share it in the hopes that others will understand my level of insanity for this band.
In this post, I am crazy in love with Hey Ocean! (the exclamation mark is a part of the band name, not to diminish the fact that I am also very enthusiastic when it comes to them).
I have known of Hey Ocean! for a couple years now. They were Vancouver's songbirds, much loved and incredibly popular amongst the city's quirky music scene and its hippie fanbase. But my first real encounter with them and their music was in the summer of 2011, when they were in the lineup at Live At Squamish, the annual music festival that takes place north of Vancouver.
They were the band with the blow-up whale.
Nothing screams Vancouver like a blow-up whale.
Their brand of summer beach music was enticing and alluring. It suited the sun that shone high up in the blue sky that day. I remember watching them and thinking that they were like the Canuck west coast version of The Beach Boys.
I found out later that they were the Canadian musicians who used to play songs on Costa Rican beaches, which explains their brand of exotic - music that feels foreign yet at the same time feels like home.
Ashleigh Ball was the girl on fire. She was everywhere at that festival. I remember seeing her hopping through the crowd to join The Zolas on-stage, where Zachary Gray introduced her as his high school sweetheart. I remember watching Shad (one of the best live performers I had ever seen), yell out her name because he needed her for a song. She's a multi-instrumentalist with a voice so light and expressive it could dance on water.
I could have fallen asleep to this trio's music. I almost did. The grass at Squamish is incredibly lush and green. Surrounded by mountains, you want to do nothing but sleep to beautiful music.
Hey Ocean! currently has two studio albums: 2006's Stop Looking Like Music and 2008's It's Easier To Be Somebody Else. IS is slated for release this year, and the four year wait has definitely been worth it.
This is not going to be a traditional review. The best way to describe Hey Ocean!'s IS? It's like a soundtrack to a romantic story set in Vancouver. So I'm going to take a little poetic license with this next track-by-track review and use their band name as inspiration.
1. If I Were A Ship
Hey Vancouver, let's go out to Jericho Beach on a bright day, and watch the vessels move across English Bay.
2. Make A New Dance Up
Hey Vancouver, let's dance a flash mob at Robson Square in front of unexpected tourists.
3. Big Blue Wave
Hey Vancouver, Point Atkinson lighthouse is for lovers.
4. Islands
Hey Vancouver, the Strait of Georgia awaits you.
5. Jolene
Hey Vancouver, sometimes I forget how beautiful you are.
6. New Love
Hey Vancouver, you're a well of pent up loneliness.
7. Bicycle
Hey Vancouver, let's utilize those bike lanes and be romantic for a day, eh?
8. Change
Hey Vancouver, spring has arrived, stop raining on the candy flowers.
9. Steady
Hey Vancouver, your white lights at night look like new stars.
10. I Am A Heart
Hey Vancouver, the glassy blue sky reflects you.
11. (For)give
Hey Vancouver, why so silent?
12. Give
Hey Vancouver, I shouldn't be afraid to love her.
13. The Last Mistake
Hey Vancouver, don't let me down.
Something that cannot be ignored of this album is the vocals. Hey Ocean! is definitely one of those bands with the vocal and instrumental capabilities that make them a lot more fun to watch and listen to live than on a recording. However, the production on this album does not at all diminish their organic sound. It is very raw, something that complements the honesty of the songs. Ball, Vertesi and Beckingham's voices are absolutely wonderful. Some standout tracks are Ball on "New Love," Vertesi on "Jolene" and Beckingham on "Steady." They have the ability to convey a wide range of emotion in their voices and at the same time make it seem effortless, flowing perfectly with the music while not trying to outdo the beautiful melodies that they accompany.
Whether they meant for IS to be a concept album or not, it definitely comes across as one. Love as a unifying theme surrounded by references to the mountains and the skies and the ocean. That's what Vancouver feels like to us who live here, and I love that it's being reflected in the music that comes from this city.
As a little bonus, here is Ashleigh, David and David performing "Jolene" in an acoustic session. It's one of the most heartfelt performances I have ever seen.
This is a list that you probably will not find anywhere in the world, which is why I decided to compile it. Also, I was bored. Also, I was listening to music, and became quirkily inspired. Is that a word, quirkily? (It probably isn't)
Anyway, I was listening to some local music, and I began to thinking that the musically-inclined guys of Vancouver don't get enough love. So here it is, a list of Vancouver's 15 sexiest male musicians ie. a shameless excuse to look at photographs of dudes from your neighbourhood.
So you can stop watching Rebecca Black's "Friday" video wishing that your Friday was a little more fun fun fun. Your wishing days are over - I just made your night a little sexier. You're welcome.
15. DAN MANGAN
the west coast poet.
14. JASPER SLOAN YIP
the sleek hipster.
13. DANIEL WESLEY
the harmonious aphrodisiac.
12. JOSEPH BLOOD (OF BEND SINISTER)
the metrosexual string playa.
11/10. ANDREW HUCULIAK & CAYNE MCKENZIE (OF WE ARE THE CITY)
the boys that you *hope are legal.
(*Disclaimer: I am still unsure on the state of their ages. So if you come across one of them, please take precautions. **Thank you).
(**Although, when you think about it, they are at least technically legal in at least a couple provinces, so really, it depends on how you ***define it).
(***Let's just make this easier for all of us and assume that they are legal).
9. AIDAN KNIGHT
the sentimental soul.
8/7. TOM DOBRZANSKI & ZACHARY GRAY (OF THE ZOLAS)
the expert underwear picker-uppers.
6/5. DAVID VERTESI & DAVID BECKINGHAM (of HEY OCEAN!)
the pretty boys in the rain.
4. TYLER BANCROFT (OF SAID THE WHALE)
*HNGGHHHH.
(*translates to: Tyler Bancroft is so hot I would give up girls for him. Maybe).
3. EDO VAN BREEMEN (OF BRASSTRONAUT)
the ivory philosopher.
2. VINCE VACCARO
#*/%@$>?#$@^/$&<#/?@&>?$%&^#$*@!!!!!
(censored due to its blatant objectification and undressing of Vince Vaccaro).
....and #1 is......
..........................
(drumroll please)
..........................
1. RYAN GULDEMOND (OF MOTHER MOTHER)
the innovative frontman.
You may ask yourself now, how is it that we're able to make them so good here?
The answer is in the water, the mountains, and the weed.
