And the rocket's red glare, the bombs bursting in air

Anyone else other than me think that this is not such a bad rendition?

To be honest, I think this girl did a fine job. It wasn't amazing, but it wasn't terrible either.


Then again, I really like the American national anthem and I don't think even the worst singer could make it sound bad.


Good job, Harper Gruzins. Those who don't like your rendition just have rods stuck up their asses and a constipated notion of what the American national anthem should sound like.

Chicken, anyone?

So guys.


I hate to say this, but Tim Thomas is kind of a douche.


I'm not one to judge people, or dislike people, especially if I don't know them personally. But sometimes, when they're hockey players and sometimes, when they're homophobic, I feel like I kind of have to say something.


And Tim Thomas is both of these things.


He is also the goaltender who took the Stanley Cup away from us two years ago.


But that doesn't really have anything to do with anything, although now I actually have a legitimate reason not to like him.


And that legitimate reason is thus:


Tim Thomas expressed his support for Chick-Fil-A.


You know, the fast food restaurant chain that sells shitty chicken and happens to be openly anti-gay.


Tim Thomas' decision to publicly support Chick-Fil-A is bad on many levels.


1. It's morally wrong to not support basic human rights that everyone holds from the moment they are born (this is up to debate though, because morals look different to different people and basic human rights is a touchy subject sometimes. RE: all of human history).
2. Many of Tim Thomas' teammates are pro-equality.
3. Boston is extremely left-leaning.

Tim Thomas just dug a huge hole for himself. Sure, he has freedom of speech. Sure, he has Facebook to practice his freedom of speech. And sure, him freeing his speech does not necessarily make him a bad person.


I mean, I am sure that he is a perfectly decent human being. He sure as hell is a good hockey player.


I have this dilemma, where I'm not sure whether or not I really dislike homophobes, or if I just feel sorry for them.


For one thing, I know homophobic people that I actually like. As in, they're people I actually care for. And nothing they ever say against queer people would ever change how much I care for them. I like to think that their beliefs are a product of their surroundings and upbringing, and that with time, they'll understand. 


It's definitely not in my place though to force them to think another way. I definitely don't have the right or the power to do that. Whatever you believe or whatever your opinion is on a particular subject, is yours. I may not respect your opinion, but I respect your right to have it. I can say what I think on the subject, but I can't expect everything that I say to change your perspective. It would be mighty shitty and self-centred of me to think that.


In similar news, the Jim Henson company severed ties with Chick-Fil-A for its stance against marriage equality, prompting Pastor Kevin Swanson to say outrageously uneducated things like: 


"A Christian perspective ultimately brought the death penalty upon homosexuality between roughly 350 AD and roughly 1850 or so. For about 1,500 years that form of life had pretty much been eliminated except here and there. Of course, now you have a massive, massive increase in this kind of thing."

It would make for such a better argument if some homophobic people actually knew what the hell they were talking about half the time. It would help their case a lot more. Homosexuality isn't something you bludgeon like an endangered animal and hope it goes extinct. 

Radio host Dave Buehner adds:

"Tolerance only runs one direction—you only can tolerate gays, you can’t tolerate those who don’t support gays."

Yeah. Like I said. Education. Get it. Then come back to me with your argument. Also. Look up "tolerance" in the dictionary. Also. I find it really funny when homophobic people accuse non-homophobic people of not accepting homophobic people. That's just homophobicphobic. And that is wrong. Would somebody please think of the homophobes and all the pain they are going through. 

Like bitch, you just trying to make things complicated, are you? I tolerate you, I just disagree with your views. Just because I don't invite you to my birthday party does not mean I'm beating you up in an alley. I still let you have your views though, don't I? COMPLETELY DIFFERENT SHIT HERE. According to dictionary.com, this is the definition for tolerance:

1. to endure without repugnance; put up with: I can tolerate laziness, but not incompetence.

2. to allow the existence, presence, practice, or act of without prohibition or hindrance; permit.

Me not tolerating you would be me burning your church down or me telling you you can't worship your God or me telling you you're not good enough or me telling you you can't marry your lover because it's not ri - WAIT A SECOND HERE. 

People who are intolerant can't ask for tolerance for their intolerance unless they were being persecuted in the same way that they are doing the persecuting.

And that is not the case in this case, unfortunately. Sorry, Dave Buehner. And even then, they can't really ask for tolerance because it just doesn't look good. Hypocrisy, I mean. Hypocrisy doesn't look good. It doesn't generate sympathy.

It's like saying immigrants to North America are tainting our image, taking away our lands, our livelihood, etc. WELL NO SHIT, NORTH AMERICA.

Also, I can't believe Kevin Swanson is talking about genocide and approving of it, essentially. As a Christian, I don't approve of your attitude, Kevin Swanson. I don't think Jesus ever said kill until there's nothing left, Kevin Swanson. That's what made Hitler one of the most hated people in history, Kevin Swanson. I'll be praying for you, Kevin Swanson.

I don't dislike any of you. I just wish sometimes all the time, that you were more the image of the saviour that you claim to follow. 

A post about my future wife

Yes, it is finally time for London. I will be writing Olympic themed posts for the duration of the Games.  None of these posts will be using the official 2012 logo. Why?

Because when I first started this blog, I gave myself a number of rules to abide by. And one of those rules was that I would never, ever publish a piece of writing that would require a graphic of Lisa Simpson giving a blowjob in order to prove a point.

And I stand by that rule.

Summer Olympics are overwhelming, I will say that. There are about a million events to keep track of, a billion athletes to root for and waaaayyy too many Lisa Simpson blowjob logos to look at.

Highlight of the Olympics so far?

I gotta say, it's not Voldemort's appearance at the opening ceremonies, nor Ryan Lochte's gold medal, nor the Queen Elizabeth's face.

No, the highlight of the Olympics so far is Sophie Schmidt's wipeout at the Canada v.s. Japan game of Round 1, Group F.

Here it is at another angle:

And here is a gif of it:

Remember what I said before?

About how this girl seems to have absolutely no understanding of arms and how they function?

Sophie Schmidt is a true footballer. She does not require arms. She just takes the fall.

Actually, maybe I'm giving her too much credit. She just seems to be really slow. Like, once gravity gets the best of her, she doesn't actually realize she's wiping out until she's already facepalmed the entire surface area.

The CTV commentators had to save this moment by immediately talking about how great a player she is and how she's the star of the Canadian women's soccer team and how crucial she is to the game. All the while, CTV was replaying her fall. This is what I love about Canadian television. They've got a good sense of humour.

I still love her though. Her clumsiness is part of her charm. When she's got a soccer ball between her feet, she controls the game. The CTV commentators may have been making fun of her, but they were not lying.

Now, without further ado, here are a bunch of other Sophie fails for your entertainment:

And best of all, 

                           


I could watch this girl fall over and over again and laugh like a total asshole and still not feel like a total asshole. She's just so damn cute it's like watching a puppy sneeze uncontrollably. Laughing at the expense of someone else's cuteness does not make one an asshole. And that is the moral of the story.


Anyway, happy Olympic viewing everybody. Sleep tight and prep your eyes well for two weeks of full-on television viewing. 


Queen E wishes you a good night.

Everyday I'm Snuffle-ing

Autostraddle started a fundraiser yesterday to raise money to revamp their website, which has slowly been breaking down due to traffic and volume that the website was simply not designed for.


The goal was to raise $40,000 in the next 45 days.


They raised OVER $40,000 in 21 hours.


QUEER GIRLS DO ALL THE GOOD THINGS.

I swear, if we took over the world, everyone would be living in tree houses watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer all day long and there would be no guns, no nuclear weapons, and instead there would be libraries and tea parties and wine everywhere for everyone. 


I'm stating the obvious, I know ;)

Good grief.

WAIT SO WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT.


So I think it has technically been confirmed that there is a very high likelihood that Kristen Stewart is NOT a lesbian??!!

WORLD CRUSHED. DREAMS SHATTERED. HEART TORN. 


I feel like my childhood has been taken away from me. All those years watching Panic Room and Catch That Kid....all of it, all of it.....all for shame.


OH WOE IS ME.

I was totally convinced that the thing with Robert Pattinson was a publicity stunt, and that once the Twilight movies were finished she'd, you know, start dating Dakota Fanning like she was meant to. But this cheating scandal probably means that that is never going to happen. 


Which is unfortunate.


It's something to say when one of the hottest lesbians in the world isn't actually gay.


It's also something to say when people cheat on their significant others. Like shit. People are selfish and awful and stupid sometimes all the time.


Days like these I just want to sit out on the balcony and eat ice cream angrily.

In other news, Jeremy Renner was on Jimmy Kimmel last night to promote The Bourne Legacy and everything about it was sexy as fuck. Matt Damon was right about Renner. I could watch that man sit on a bench for hours on end watching ducks for fuck knows why and it would still be totally glorious.


LE SIGH.

Inspiration

When I grow up, I want to be an astronaut and scientist like her.

Summer Music Series: Summer Fling

This is a special edition of Summer Music Series entitled Summer Fling, brought to you by none other than k.d. lang's "Summer Fling"

We've all been through it before. Those hot summer days that are so boring you end up  eye-fucking every breathing person in the vicinity just to stimulate a brain that's been over-stimulated by a school year filled with academics and useless examinations. You get where I'm going here.


Here are 9 other songs that define the phases of a summer fling:

The "I think you're kind of hot, are you single/available/easy/flexible?" phase

"Call Me Maybe" by Carly Rae Jepsen

The "do you like me, check yes/no/maybe" phase

"Surfer Girl" by The Beach Boys

The "all I want to do is sleep with you" phase

"Kiss You Inside Out" by Hedley

The "I don't give a fuck, I'm just gonna fall in love with you" phase

"Friday I'm In Love" by The Cure

The "oh shit, I may actually be in actual love with you" phase

"The Best Thing" by Relient K

The "it's mid-August, let's just finish this and move on" phase

"Summer Is Over" by Jon McLaughlin & Sara Bareilles

The "break-up" phase

"Summertime Sadness" by Lana Del Rey

The "I hate summer, I wish this never happened" phase

"Cruel Summer" by Bananarama

The "let's look back at how stupid we were" phase

"Summer Nights" performed by John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John

Summer affairs tend to happen quickly and almost never tend to last. They're like allergies, a seasonal disorder ignited by high humidity, the smell of sunscreen and the sound of flip flops on the sidewalk. Once the tan fades and the sand gets washed out of your hair, it's over. 

The question arises, "Do we fall in love during the summer? Or do we simply fall in love with summer?"

Whatever it is, summer affairs can be confusing ordeals that leave us face down drunk on the road crying about a person that we really couldn't care less about. Only it's summer, the one season where everything matters yet nothing matters. And we wake up in the autumn feeling like we've aged a decade, and summer is but a distant hangover. 

That's the great thing about summer. Once those 2-ish months are over, there's another season just around the corner.

Dear Colorado,

I would just like to say that my heart goes out to all of the victims, their families, their friends and all others who have been affected by the shooting that occurred at the Century 16 theatre in Aurora, Colorado, last night.

It's tragedies like these that make us doubt humanity, the world, everything. I don't really know what to say to it. There really is nothing I or anyone else can say.

Cherish life, cherish love. It's precious and unpredictable. But it's the one thing that will always be stronger than that which seeks to destroy it.

Prayers going out to everyone in and outside the city of Aurora. You're all in our thoughts.

Whatever, je m'en crisse

So I discovered something kind of cool about myself today.


Not that I'm not always cool. Because I am.

I don't know if any of you other people do this and can relate, but today, I discovered that when I'm speaking in French, I tend to act like a total JACKASS.


And not just basic jackass. More like up in your face, spitting out words, insulting anglophones type JACKASS.


I don't know where this sudden jerk douchebag attitude came from, but when I start going in French, I sometimes find myself acting and talking like fucking Jean-Claude Van Damme circa Timecop.


WHICH IS FUCKING AWESOME.


It's like I've got a Jekyll and Hyde thing going on which I never knew I had. Like, underneath my nice, kind, soft exterior, I'm actually a totally repulsive person....when I'm speaking the language of love and Catholicism.


Now excuse me while I beat someone up with this baguette.

Zoo Boo Ma Foo

Hi.

This is just a post to say I love you.

Summer Music Series: Song #7

Song number 7 in this series is Bryan Adams "Summer of '69." Because no compilation of summer music is complete without this classic. Whatever you think it's about, whether it's the landing on the moon, sex, the break-up of the Beatles, or the debut of Sesame Street, we can all agree that it's a frigging catchy song that brings to mind nostalgia and memories and having everything you once wanted.

V-A-N-C-O-U-V-E-R

This is a post about my hometown and the people that I live around.

Here's my list of Shit Vancouverites Say, brought to you by real life comments I've heard from the locals I spend all my time with. This post is dedicated to them.


So, without further ado, here is some authentic Vancouver dialogue.


1. The Vancouver Canucks will win the Stanley Cup this season. NO REALLY THEY WILL.
2. I'm not saying I hate Americans, but...
3. I'm driving across the border for cheese, gas, booze and junk food. Anyone want to join me?
4. Nickelback? No, they don't go here.
5. IT'S TOO COLD OUTSIDE.
6. IT'S TOO HOT OUTSIDE.
7. I HATE THE RAIN.
8. WE HAVEN'T HAD RAIN IN TWO WEEKS. THE WHOLE CITY'S GONE TO SHIT.
9. Just because it smells like weed....doesn't mean it smells like weed.
10. Terminally single? Yes, let's be lonely together.
11. I got hit by a bus today when I forgot that Granville Street is still a street.
12. I'm considering moving to Alberta. Downside is, I'd have to actually live in Alberta.
13. If I could do any Canuck player, past or present, it would be Trevor Linden. Yeah. Definitely.
14. FREE RIDE ON THE 99 B-LINE YEEEEAAAHHHH.
15. Saw a Hollywood celebrity on the street the other day. NO1CURR.
16. Saw Garry Valk on the street the other day. FLIPPED MY SHIT.
17. Steal my bike? I beat your ass.
18. ~Watches an American movie filmed in Vancouver but masked as Seattle~ HAHAHAHA SEATTLE ONLY LOOKS GOOD WHEN IT'S VANCOUVER HAHAHAHAHA ROFL ROFL LOL ROFL.
19. Yes, that is a Z 95.3 sticker on my car. Yes, I have five of them. 
20. I'm not a hipster. I'm just from Vancouver. And no, they are not synonymous. 

There was never just one

This is going to be a short and simple post and I am going to leave you with a single question.


Is anyone here ready for The Bourne Legacy? (Release date August 10th, 2012)

Excuse me, ahem, but TABARNAK OSTIE MAUDIT MERDE CÂLICE FUUCCCKKK.

I have a feeling this movie is going to do for me what Magic Mike did for everyone else this year. And that pretty much means I'll be first in line to see this shit.

Summer Music Series: Song #6

To go along with the post below, song number 6 is my local girl Carly Rae Jepsen's "Bucket," from her debut album Tug of War. 


She's like summer fun bubble gum sunflower seeds frozen yogurt cotton candy gummy bears all wrapped up in one person. 


Also, Vancouver looks amazing in this video. As do the Vancouver hipsters. And by Vancouver hipsters I mean everyone who lives in Vancouver. We dress terribly, I know. Our scenery makes up for it.

I don't know how we're gonna build a castle now. 
Do you want to start again somehow?

Is your face still sore?

I went to this over the weekend.

Due to my school and work schedule, I was not able to attend all of the concerts, but I did manage to catch Carly Rae Jepsen and Marianas Trench on Friday, as well as OneRepublic on Saturday. Lots of kids and parents and teenagers and people like me who don't really ever want to grow up. 


In case anyone reading does not know, Playland is Vancouver's biggest amusement park and the oldest in all of Canada. Located in northeast Vancouver, it is open from April until October and during the month of August, hosts a fair with the Pacific National Exhibition. During this fair, the number of rides at the park doubles and there are additional shows and exhibits for visitors to enjoy. 


SPF is an outdoor music festival which takes place at the PNE Amphitheatre, located in the north side part of the park, surrounded by bleacher seating that faces the North Shore mountains. The view is absolutely breath-taking and the music was equally beautiful and fitting.


Carly Rae Jepsen performed songs from her album Tug of War as well as her EP Curiosity. She exudes a cuteness that few popular musicians out there have, and her voice is quite impressive live. After releasing one of the most popular songs of 2012, it was a bit strange to see her here at home, basically talking to the audience as if she were in her own living room. Jepsen was accompanied by a group of dancers in the crowd, who seemed to have a choreographed dance to every one of her songs.


Marianas Trench were perhaps the biggest headliner of the weekend, performing to a full crowd that had acted as if they hadn't seen these guys in years. There's definitely something special about performing to your city, and this was something Josh Ramsey constantly reiterated throughout his band's set. Perhaps one of the greatest moments was when Ramsey himself hopped off stage onto the floor. I could feel this collective gasp amongst the crowd, a quarter second of silence and then a rush of people running towards him. Fans were fleeing the bleachers, racing towards the singer as he ran (with bodyguards beside him) through the crowd, all the while singing the lyrics to the band's latest single "Desperate Measures." At one point, he ended up in the bleachers before rushing back to the stage and declaring that he felt as if he "had just gotten to second base with my hometown." I know how that feels, dude. I know how that feels. (no I don't)


OneRepublic serenaded the crowd with cool instrumental ambiance that was pretty perfect for the warm, comforting summer weather that seeped through Vancouver this weekend. Ryan Tedder kept throwing in French words to charm us. It kind of worked. Performing everything from their hit singles to covers of "Stand By Me, "SexyBack" and "Seven Nation Army", these guys squeezed as much variety as they could into an hour long show. I'm not an avid admirer of this band, but I really love it when musicians perform like it's the first show they've ever done and the last show they'll ever do. These guys really enjoy what they're doing, and their energy was very infectious. I was highly impressed with their performance. In addition, they have a cellist, and any band with string instruments gets bonus points in my book.


There is definitely nothing like a summer music concert in the great outdoors of Vancouver. It was nostalgic and fun and heart-pounding and cringe-worthy all at once.


I must say, there's nothing like hearing thousands of kids singing the lyrics "They slap you like a bitch and you take it like a whore" simultaneously in their squeaky little youthful voices. 


It must be experienced to be believed.

How long till October?

Holy shit, Minnesota Wild.


This hockey franchise just got their cake and ate it too.

The Minnesota Wild just signed free agents Zach Parise and Ryan Suter to a 98 million, 13 year contract.


That's practically a marriage. The Wild are pumped, the Red Wings are pissed and Penguins fans are going WHHHYYYY NOT USSSSS. 


I have a feeling the Minnesota Wild are going to crush every team in the Western Conference next year. This is going to be just GREAT.


With regards to the Canucks, we've lost the following players:


Mike Duco

Marc-Andre Gragnani

Victor Oreskovitch (Oreo)

Sami Pahlsson

Ryan Parent

Aaron Rome

Sami Salo

If it feels like we've lost half our team, we kind of have. Let's have a moment of silence for all these wonderful players. For having donned a Canuck jersey, we'll always have a soft spot for these guys, and wish them all the best.


And welcome White Rock native Jason Garrison, of the Florida Panthers. He took $1 million less to come home, which just tugs at your Canadian heartstrings like nothing other. Vancouver's gonna love him so much for the next six years he's not going to know how to deal with it. Not only is he a hometown kid, but his stats are amazing. I have a feeling no one's gonna love him more than David Booth though.

But then again, David Booth loves everybody.