I was perusing through my old stuff today because I was bored and sick and drinking lemon honey water by the ocean full. Anyway, I came across this mini narrative that my former classmate Scott wrote about me. This was from a couple years ago, right after I came back to school from my backpacking trip through Europe. Reading this made me feel nostalgic, which is pathetic and is proof that I am totally old. But really, when you think about it, 2009 does belong to another decade. Kids who were born in 2009 are going to be turning 3 this year.
Back in 2009, the earthquakes in Haiti and Japan hadn't happened yet. Wikileaks hadn't leaked all that confidential information. Lady Gaga was somewhat normal. William hadn't proposed to Kate. Osama bin Laden was still alive. The Harry Potter films hadn't ended yet. I was a little shit who was convinced I would one day win an Oscar.
[For which category(ies) was still to be determined]
Long story short, 2009 was a fucking long time ago. I'm surprised I still have this story, so I thought I'd post it here because it's basically a miracle I kept it. Scott wrote it in French, so if you understand French then good for you. If you don't, then have fun reading this.
So, this is my biography, according to Scott:
Que penses tu de cette histoire (de ta vraie identité (oui je sais la vérité))?
Bonjour! Je m’appelle Wes. J’étudie français à l’Université de Simon Fraser. Au présent, je suis le cours de 301W, enseigné par Dr. Laghzaoui. Bien que ma vie semble celle d’un(e) étudiant(e) normal(e), j’ai de grands secrètes. Mon histoire commence en Russie où je travaillais comme espionne pour le KGB. Après ma mission à la Corrée du Nord et aux États-Unis pendant la guerre froide, l’université de la Columbie-Britannique m’a recruté pour espionner le programme de français à SFU. J’avais la chirurgie esthétique vu qu’un homme russe de 2 mètres, 250 poids et qui a une soixantaine d’années se vois comme le nez au milieu de la figure. Par conséquent, j’ai changé mon identité, mon apparence et mon sexe. Je me suis devenue Wes, petite et mignonne étudiante de français.
It's amazing how accurate this is.
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